I wrote this initial part of a blog in October 2012:
I’ve thought about blogging for years. In 2008, I was asked to write a guest blog for Renee Fisher, and I loved it. I wanted to do more of it. But something always got in the way.
That something was the belief that what I had to say really didn’t matter.
I have a lot of things I want to say. But I honestly believe that no one wants to hear them.
This belief permeates my personal life. Almost no one in my professional life would believe that this is a reality for me. At work I have a lot of opinions and I am not afraid to express them. But in my personal life I hold back. When I share my thoughts, especially in a group, I edit everything I say and am plagued by insecurities and doubts.
I really just wanted to hide. To guard all my thoughts and opinions and ideas.
Last Wednesday someone allowed God to speak through them. And this is what I heard: I have a voice. It was given to me by God. He has been honing it. It’s time to be put to use. I have a calling to use my voice to honor Christ.
“A voice cries out… prepare the way of the Lord.” Matthew 3:3
“They…cried out: ‘Hosanna! ‘Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!'” John 12:12-13
“The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.” Psalm 34:7
On Easter Sunday I went to a prayer and worship service at a House of Prayer I’d never been to before. I sat in the back by myself. A few minutes into the service a man came over and asked if he could pray for me. He asked if I wanted prayer for something specific or just as the Spirit led. I’ve had some really incredible experiences with prayer in the past when people knew nothing about me, so I’m always excited to say “yes” to an opportunity like this. As this man started praying for me, scriptures that God has using to minister to my heart over the years poured out of his mouth. He hit on about eight different topics that God and I have been dialoging about and one of them hit this topic head on:
God created me exactly as I am. He has given me a story and has worked amazingly in my life. He has given me a voice and has called me to use it. To share my experiences, my thoughts, my ideas and most incredibly, His story. How sweet to look at the blog I stopped writing because I didn’t want to be so vulnerable and see how God has circled around and given me the confidence and security to speak up.