I’ve had a nagging feeling that something was coming; that I wanted, no needed, to do something different with my life. I’ve been counting the days until the big 3-0; reflecting on the future and the past. During my 20’s I discovered so many things that I’m passionate about. Many of these revolve around being empathic, strengthening others, distributing information/knowledge, being an advocate, and making a long-term impact.
And the question this year was this: am I living the life I want to live? Am I doing was I was made to do?
Some days the answer was yes. Some days the answer was sort of. Some days the answer was absolutely not. But overall the scale was leaning toward no.
If you know me well, you’ve heard the story of my brother’s birth. How my parents couldn’t have additional children but my sister and I prayed for a brother and God delivered. It’s an experience that forever stamped my heart with the knowledge of God.
What I’ve probably never told you is that I have vivid memories of going to the midwife with my mom, watching as her stomach was measured, listening to his beating heart, and looking at picture books full of pregnant bellies and babies growing in utero. I remember watching his birth and falling in love with that sweet little baby boy.
I’ve been fascinated with pregnant bellies and newborn babies ever since.
I have countless pictures of me holding babies. Newborns are my favorite! I’ve asked endless questions to my Mom friends about pregnancy, birth and parenting. I’ve read so many articles on these topics that Google and Amazon think I have children! And I still want to learn more.
There’s something magical and powerful about the creation of life that I just can’t get enough of.
And unexpectedly, on a day I can’t even pinpoint, these two seemingly unconnected things collided.
That’s when I realized that I. COULD. DO. THIS.
I could spend my life supporting Moms and delivering babies.
I reached out to a midwife I know. Over coffee and her pregnant belly she talked about what drew her to midwifery, about the challenges of the lifestyle she leads, how this process has made her a strong woman, how every labor teachers her something new and just how difficult it was to combine a full course load and 24/7 internship for three years.
As I listened I had my answer: when fully faced with just how difficult the road would be all I could think is THIS IS WHAT I WANT.
And so I leapt. Towards the unknown; towards the pain; towards the joy.