Exactly two years ago, a sweet baby girl came into the world too early and ten hours later left us too soon. Emily Faith you are missed.
Awake but Dreaming of You
It was a journey that began abruptly
A little warning with blood and contractions
But with hope that the Great Physician would
Take care of the precious life
That the Creator would sustain
I saw healing and restoration as I prayed
And thanked Him for His provision
Before it came
Trusting in His unending care
Anxiety as the flight took off
Carrying sister and child
Dear God, please help us
The only words
Thankfulness and respite
For a moment
As all seemed calm and well
Shock and fear
Emily Faith was born today
She survived
It’s a long journey
Thirty percent
four to eight months
Lord God, give us strength for this journey
Hope for healing
A strong heart beat
All her fingers and toes
Dear God, thank You for life
In a meeting
Phone vibrates
Shock, horror, grief, disbelief
“Emily did not make it”
Focus. Where were we at?
Let’s continue
Let’s wrap this up
Feel the darkness coming
Trying to stave it off
WHAT?!?!
Phone Rings
Mom
I um.
Point to phone
Room next door is empty
Sit on couch
Answer phone
Silence with shock and sobs
Barely speak
Hang up
Shock
I don’t understand
Walk to desk
Grab purse
Emily didn’t make it.
I’m leaving
Want to give a hug
But can’t
Can’t hold it together
An endless walk
To car and safety
Sit.
Text prayer warriors
Drive
Parking lot
Like a movie
Sobbing on steering wheel
Oh God, How are we going to make it?
My family can’t handle this, too!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Why have you forsaken me?
Rocking sobs
Racking grief
Get out of car
Walk in building
Into elevator
Moving up
Phone Rings.
Mom.
Answer.
Emily is alive.
Is this a joke?
No.
No.
It’s
A
Miracle.
Miraculous.
Wonder.
Hushed
Reverent
Oh, my God
On a sigh
Of thankfulness
Just think in twenty years,
We’ll tell how God
Miraculously brought her back to life
The little girl Jesus healed.
How great is our God.
Go to appointment
In shock
Can barely speak
Then can’t stop
Am I crazy?
My finite mind can’t keep up
Fear
Peace
Anxiety
Hope
Despair
Renewal
All the juxtapositions of opposites
Hope soars
And blossoms
Into dreams
Talk to sister
Doing well
Long road
Should I come?
I don’t know
Do what you want.
Head to friends
Share my news
Hugs and love
Driving home
Return to work
Work, work, work.
Share story with a friend
Praying, praying, praying
Turn off computer
Phone vibrates
“Emily has passed away”
A second walk
To a distant car
That’s not really very far
Sit in darkness
Numbness
A whispered
Oh, my God
Texted back
“So sorry. I love you.”
No words
Call friend
“Can I come over?”
“What happened?”
“She died.”
“Ok.”
Sitting
Laughing
Distractions.
Can’t stay awake
Can’t go to sleep
Restless
Streaming tears
Oh, my God.
Visions of Emily
Safe in His arm
“Antie Krista
I love it here
I wish you were here
Can’t wait for you
To come”
She’s happy
And dancing
With sweet ‘lil ones
My friends have
Lost
Loss
“I’m glad you’re there
But I wish you were
Here
I didn’t get to hold you
I wish I could”
I should have gone on Monday
But, I didn’t.
I trust God’s prompting
And His timing
But sweet, girl,
I wish I had touched you
Just a second
So I could remember
The feel of your little
Fingers
The softness of your head
All ten toes.
My sweet, sweet niece
I love you more than I can say
You and Maddie.
I love
more than I ever thought I could
And you are gone
Never to be held in my arms.
I know someday I’ll hold you
I’ll hold you forever
I guess I’ll share you with your mommy
And daddy and everyone else
But I can’t wait to just hold you
Hold you and spin
And laugh with joy to
Just be with you
Sweet, precious Emily Faith
I’m so glad your parents named you
The perfect name.
For a perfect tiny
Short
Life
Ten hours
So short but long time
Ten hours and life has changed
COMPLETELY
The world’s axis has shifted
So tired
Can’t sleep
Tears streaming
Awake
But dreaming
Of you
——————————————————–
You can read Emily’s story on my sister’s blog.
